Words of Wellness with Shelly

Beyond the Diet Culture: Breaking Free from Weight Struggles with Laura Conley

• Shelly Jefferis • Season 2 • Episode 102

Share episode

Send us a text

What if the key to breaking free from yo-yo dieting isn't another restrictive plan, but healing your relationship with food at its core? Laura Conley, founder of the Yummy Mummy Method and self-described "fun weight loss coach," shares her powerful journey from post-baby body struggles to discovering sustainable weight management that transformed not just her body, but her entire approach to life.

Standing naked after a shower with her six-week-old daughter cooing up at her, Laura experienced a powerful awakening: if she continued her unhealthy relationship with food and her body, she would inevitably pass these patterns to her child. This realization sparked her mission to "free the moms" - helping women not just lose weight, but transform their relationship with their bodies so they can live fuller, more joyful lives and pass healthy patterns to the next generation.

Laura challenges common weight loss misconceptions with refreshing honesty. "If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution," she explains, illuminating how emotional eating patterns often mask deeper needs. Rather than offering another quick fix, she advocates for a middle path between restriction and indulgence that honors our bio-individuality while supporting long-term health goals.

Perhaps most revolutionary is Laura's perspective on self-care for mothers. She passionately advocates for women to put themselves "number one, number two, and number three on the list," acknowledging the guilt this often triggers while offering a framework to distinguish between "healthy guilt" that aligns with our values and "cultural guilt" imposed by societal expectations. Her radical message? "Do not wait for the guilt to go away before putting yourself on the list."

Whether you're struggling with weight management, body image issues, or simply trying to find balance in your wellness journey, this conversation offers compassionate insights that go far beyond typical diet advice. By addressing the emotional and psychological roots of our relationship with food, Laura provides a framework for lasting transformation that nurtures both physical health and mental wellbeing.

Ready to lose weight for the last time while modeling self-love for the next generation? This episode is your first step toward sustainable change.

CONNECT WITH LAURA:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lauraconleycoaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LauraConley

website: lauraconley.com
podcast:

CONNECT WITH SHELLY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wellnesswithshellyj
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShellyJefferis

"Purge Your Pantry" Special pricing for WOW listeners:
https://buy.stripe.com/6oEcQQ1WH3xi85qaES

A few of my favorites:
Clean-crafted wine, free from chemicals & pesticides:
https://scoutandcellar.com/?u=healthyhappyhours

Cayla Gray- Non-toxic cologne & perfume: https://caylagray.com/wellnesswithshellyj (10% discount)


Non-toxic candles & air fresheners:
https://goodjujucandles.com/?ref=mrtgnygh
Coupon code for 10% off: ShellyJefferis

High quality, clean nutrition and beauty products: https://shellyjefferis.isagenix


Thank you for listening to the Words of Wellness podcast with Shelly Jefferis. I am honored and so grateful to have you here and it would mean the world to me if you could take a minute to follow, leave a 5-star review and share the podcast with anyone you love and anyone you feel could benefit from the message.

Thank you and God Bless!
And remember to do something for yourself, for your wellness on this day!

In Health,
Shelly Jefferis

Speaker 1:

If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution, and so what's going on? And then that can unlock so much for us and it can like really invite us into really a special sacred relationship with ourselves.

Speaker 2:

Do you get confused by all of the information that bombards us every day on ways to improve our overall health and our overall wellness? Do you often feel stuck, unmotivated or struggle to reach your wellness goals? Do you have questions as to what exercises you should be doing, what foods you should or should not be eating, how to improve your overall emotional and mental wellbeing? Hello everyone, I am so excited to welcome you to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly Jeffries and I will be your host. My goal is to answer these questions and so much more to share tips, education and inspiration around all of the components of wellness through solo and guest episodes. With 35 plus years as a health and wellness professional, a retired college professor, a speaker and a multi-passionate entrepreneur, I certainly have lots to share. However, my biggest goal and inspiration in doing this podcast is to share the wellness stories of others with you, to bring in guests who can share their journeys so that we can all learn together while making an impact on the health, the wellness and lives of all of you, our listeners. The ultimate hope is that you leave today with even just one nugget that can enhance the quality of your life, and that you will. We all will, now and into the future, live our best quality of lives, full of energy, happiness and joy. Now let's dive into our message for today.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Words of Wellness. I am your host, shelly Jeffries, and I'm excited to have you all here, and I'm super excited for my guest today. She is the founder of the Yummy Mummy Method I love that name which has successfully helped hundreds of women lose weight for the last time, and she has been lovingly labeled as the fun weight loss coach. Okay, we're gonna have to hear all about that. She helps moms who have been struggling with their weight, and this is so beautiful. She's on a major mission to do this so that her clients can pass down a beautiful legacy to their children and live the life they have always dreamed of. I absolutely love that. So, laura Conley, welcome to the show Gosh.

Speaker 1:

thank you so much for having me. This is like so meant to be. I'm just so happy.

Speaker 2:

I'm so happy too. This is definitely, definitely meant to be, and I'm really excited for us to have our conversation and share you with my listeners, and I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about Love it. So you started this program. How long ago have you? How long has it been since you've been doing this yummy mummy method?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's been almost eight years, so I've been a coach for 13 years. But when I had my daughter eight years ago, the famous story is that I was beating myself up and badly for not bouncing back into my pre baby jeans quote unquote fast enough and I had this kind of out of body experience where my daughter was like cooing up at me at six weeks old, I'm butt naked out of the shower and I'm like this has to stop or I'm gonna pass this down to her, this love-hate relationship that I had with my body. I'm gonna pass it down to her this screwed up relationship I had with food, and I didn't want that for her. I didn't want her counting calories with her friends her junior year of high. I didn't want her counting calories with her friends her junior year of high school. I didn't want her trying on 17 different outfits and prior to that moment I really had like accepted defeat. I was just like this is going to be my thing. This is going to be the thing I struggle with. I'm just going to always be gaining and losing the same 20 pounds.

Speaker 1:

But in that moment I knew I had to solve it because it was painful and I didn't want her to have to suffer through all of it. And meanwhile, like just to be frank, I also did want to lose baby weight. I didn't want to do it in an unhealthy way, though I was like sick and tired of starving myself, and so I was like you know what? I figured out everything else. I can figure this out too. I can heal my relationship with my body and food, and I can weigh what I want to weigh, but from a healthy, sustainable place.

Speaker 1:

So I made it my mission to do it, went down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole, um, and really lost weight for the last time, and I still actually kind of can't believe it, like it still feels like a miracle eight years later. And then I started testing it out on my friends and my friends and I would tell my husband, oh my God, it really actually worked for them. And I would still be blown away because I really had thought that this was like the code you couldn't crack Right. And so I completely let go of all of my other coaching clients who I did a lot of like vision and um goal coaching with around golden handcuffs and leaving corporate america, because that's what I had done, um, and really just niche down.

Speaker 1:

I had another kind of wake-up call moment when I was in the pool with my daughter at like a year, year and a half, and I'm looking around and like all the moms are like chained to the chase lounges and I'm like in my bikini having fun with my daughter and I'm like, oh, my God, we have to free the moms. Like we're not living our like this sounds so cheesy, but best, most delicious lives because we don't feel at home in our bodies, we don't feel good in our skin.

Speaker 2:

So, anyways, that is kind of the origin story and it's just, yeah, it feels like a calling that I'm, you know, meant to answer Boy for sure, and I'm like I'm about ready to like bounce out of my seat because everything you're saying I am so on board with and and I am so excited about the fact that you did this and you also thought about how is this going to impact my daughter later on and that's such a huge, huge deal. I know like for us, as I mentioned when we were talking earlier, like our daughters are first born and she's now 26. And I knew early on to not ever like talk about diet or talk about you know your body negatively because it gets passed on to them and you know, I knew I could say all the right things, but I knew she would catch me.

Speaker 1:

Like I knew, even if I said the right things, she would like catch me turning away from my husband my husband's very affectionate Like I knew she'd catch me. Like turning away when he grabbed my waist. Or I knew she would like see the disdain or the disgust in my eyes when I looked in my in the mirror, you know, and I was like I really have to heal us at the root. Like I know I can say the right things but like I I knew she would pick up on it because kids are so smart and so intuitive, you know, so yeah absolutely no, that's huge.

Speaker 2:

That's huge and you're so so, so right, so right, and I think that it always starts with us when it comes to our kids, no matter what that looks like. And you have I mean kudos to you for what you did and taking the time to look into this and to break that cycle and to work through what you were working you know what you were dealing with and having that negative body image and working through that to create something positive for yourself and your daughter and your family, but now also for other moms and other people.

Speaker 1:

Like that's so sweet, that's so, so kind, and I'm still figuring it out, right, like still eight years later. Right, it's like it's a practice, I'm still figuring it. The other day, my daughter literally told her friend's mom who's my friend, she's like they're eating ice cream and she's like my mom is going to lose her mind and I'm like where did you get that? What are you talking about? I always let you have ice cream. You know, I'm like so clearly, I'm still not doing it perfectly, but I'm trying.

Speaker 2:

That's so funny. I had a friend recently do that. We were at some event I can't remember what it was and I was getting a dessert and she was like you, you and this was a, this was a girl, a friend, and she was like you're going to have that. I said, yeah, I am, you know, and it's just funny the perception that people will get, even like in, outside even of our family. It's just funny the perception that people will get even like outside even of our family. It's just funny.

Speaker 2:

I think they see what we do, like I've been in the health and wellness industry for 40 years and so they know what I do. And I think that's just that society, you know that diet culture and that society perspective of going OK, well, they are into nutrition and working out and wellness. So they they form these opinions that aren't accurate. And it's like you're saying we want to set that example and I'm just, I'm with you on that Like you want to.

Speaker 2:

You want to enjoy yourself and enjoy your life and not be restricted. You want to enjoy yourself and enjoy your life and not be restricted, but you don't do everything in a, in a, in modification, I guess you could say. But I always kind of say, 80 percent of the time make healthy choices and then you enjoy yourself the rest of the time. It's not always exactly 80 20. It might be 60, 40 some days, you know, but I'm always a huge proponent of you got to enjoy yourself. You got to enjoy your life and experience joy and, like you're saying, you know, have the life that you've created and pass it on to your kids.

Speaker 1:

I think so. I think that there's a middle path and, like, in our culture, we're just not shown that path. We're shown like eat whatever you want, whenever you want. You only live once. Blah, blah, blah. And then we're taught like, okay, you got to eat 800 calories and this crazy deficit. And it's like, okay, there's room for both, to your point, Like there is room for me to enjoy ice cream with my daughter. And then sometimes I do say no, thank you to things that I actually don't even really want or like aren't worth it.

Speaker 1:

But we swing so far from one end to the other of like under restriction and then over restriction, and I'm always like I teach this concept called like healthy, happy restriction, and I do restrict in some areas when it comes to food, and I think it's appropriate.

Speaker 1:

Like we restrict when it comes to our sleep, Like I go to bed at 10 PM even though I kind of want to watch another episode of white Lotus because I know I want to feel good the next day. And I just think that there's this whole culture around like we shouldn't ever restrict when it comes to food, but it's like anything that you've ever created in your life. There's some like there's restriction in my marriage. I'm not making out with boys at bars, you know like there's restriction in my marriage. I'm not making out with boys at bars. You know like there's restriction in my parenting. I bite my tongue when I want to unleash on my kids. You know we restrict in every other area of our life because it's what gives us our desired results and I just, I just think that what you're talking about of this 80-20 is like totally appropriate, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think, going back to what you said, it's not an all or nothing approach, but a lot of people have been taught that or somehow that's been ingrained in them along the way and I still don't quite understand all of that and where that comes from. But so many people have that approach and I always really will try and preach that. No, it's not all or nothing.

Speaker 1:

Again, one extreme to the other um, yeah, I wonder if it comes from like us being in a rush, like because if you do 80 or 90, 10 or whatever the ratio is, who knows? Yeah, but if you, if you do, walk the middle path, I think that it takes longer than like our lower brains want it to take. Because we're in like such a rush, because we think that, like, if we get to that weight or that goal or that body comp or whatever, then we're going to feel confident and easy or whatever, light, alive, vibrant. And it's like what if this was just a lifelong practice? What if we're just do this forever?

Speaker 1:

and then stop being in a rush and then maybe like if weight loss is the goal, maybe a half a pound a week or a pound a week is plenty, is more than enough, instead of like what my diet brain used to be like, better be two pounds or three pounds, or like or I'm quitting. And then we end up in this cycle of yo-yoing, right, right, yeah, I don't know where it comes from, but maybe that could be, that could be part of it. It's like we're in. We're just like so desperate.

Speaker 2:

Well, and that makes so much sense, right? Because everybody wants the quick fix. And we're caught up in this again, like you're saying, everybody's in such a rush and everything's like I want this, like last week, and it doesn't work that way, as you know, and it just I don't know. I love what you're doing and I and I, and I agree you know there's the healthy approach and you know I, when I see and I'm sure that you feel the same way you see some of these quick fixes and you know it's not the healthy approach, I just I'm just cringe and I and I hurt for certain people when I see what they're doing and I help as much as I can, but sometimes people have it just set in their mind what they want to do and they again want to have that quick result and it's just that's not realistic. And, like you said, it is a lifelong journey, not meaning that it's a lifelong struggle, but it's a lifelong struggle, but it's a lifelong. We're constantly learning and growing and and it's an, it's a constant. I would say be proactive again. Make the best choices you can for your health and be proactive, because no one else is going to do it for us. And then also I'm a big um. I talk a lot about doing things that are preventative, rather than let's wait, let's not wait till we're sick, like I mean.

Speaker 2:

I saw this happen with my own dad and he is no longer living. But I mean, god love him. He at the end of his life. He was dealing with so many different illnesses and diseases, but it took him having a mild heart attack to find out that he had diabetes and fatty liver. Then he started making changes. You know he had diabetes and fatty liver.

Speaker 2:

Then you started making changes, you know, and so we probably had him a little bit longer because he made those changes. But I always, I've always thought about and have talked about what can we do now to to help us be the healthiest. Now and later and I've pretty much always always had that approach, and then even more so when I had both my mom and my dad have various illnesses that they battled, and so that's become part of my focus to, to do what I can to help me be my healthiest so my kids don't see me have, see me what I saw my parents go through but then also to to reach out and spread that amongst other people and help them along their journeys as well, just like what you're doing.

Speaker 1:

No, I love that, because I think we're so conditioned that there's like an end date, right, like 75 hard, or 21 day fix, or whole 30. It's like there's always an end date, and I'm like, no, there's literally no end date to your health, like this is a practice. It's just that we haven't been taught Like we're taught. I wish we were. I mean, maybe I don't, because then I wouldn't have a business, but my point is I'm kidding. My point is, though, is like we're taught to brush our teeth every day, right, like we don't want our teeth to fall out of our head it is preventative but we're not taught the same thing when it comes to our health, and I'm always telling my clients I'm like you have to brush your brain every day.

Speaker 1:

You have to look at like, where am I with my health? Like, do I like the results? Do I need to make a little change? And I think, when we can like really let go of there's an end date to what I'm doing, it's for my clients. When I'm like there's no end date, this is a lifelong practice, like let's go, like, like get on board. It's confronting at first, like oh my God, I have to do this forever, but it's also a relief of like oh, that's why I haven't been able to create the goal that I wanted to create in a sustainable way. That's why it's a yo-yo is because we're just taught that there's an end date to whatever program we're doing.

Speaker 2:

It's so true, that's such a great point and you're so spot on with that and you know, I, I have the approach from starting the nutrition protocol that I started years ago and I just started it out of curiosity. I always tried certain things and this particular time I felt different when I put the products in my body and I've been using them ever since and I always will say it's a lifestyle. It's not like you're saying, it's not oh, start, and then 30 days I'm good to go. No, no, I mean it's if you want to have results and life, you know, lasting results and feel your best and be your healthiest. It's a, it's a lifelong approach.

Speaker 2:

And I don't want to say commitment because that sounds like oh, that sounds too serious, you know, but it it's just, it's boils down to your, your lifestyle. And again, it's never perfect. Like you know, we were saying it's never perfect and we want to have fun along the way, Absolutely. And it's not, it's not about, it's not about the perfection, it's just about that process and just being along that journey, Like you were saying Right, like it is a commitment and it's like how can we loosen the grip?

Speaker 1:

Like how can we make it fun? Like you know, a lot of your listeners, you know, are probably in committed relationships, whether that's marriage or something that looks like that, and it's like my marriage is definitely not perfect. Right, it's a, it's a practice as well. I have to pay attention to it if I want it to be what I want it to be and and that's one thing that you know, you kind of like it seems like you liked at the beginning is like we can have fun while we're pursuing our health. And what I realized is that I was putting way too much pressure on food to provide me with fun, on food to provide me with fun.

Speaker 1:

I actually had to figure out how to have fun in other ways and it's actually made my life so much more rich, because sugar for me is like it's a cheap thrill, it's a cheap drug, but like real, true fun or enjoyment where I'm connecting with my friends. Or now I'm into pickleball, like playing pickleball with my friends or going on a hike with my kids, or whatever. It is like finding those hits, so to speak, or those like things that actually fill my cup. I'm actually so grateful to my old emotional eating patterns because it really helped me to learn how to take care of myself, right Like the cheddar bunnies, the ice cream. It actually wasn't that fulfilling for me, it wasn't actually that fun. It left me with regret and hangover, but eventually it allowed me to ask the question like what am I actually searching for here? And I could give it to myself in a way that was lasting. Maybe the high isn't as high, but then the low isn't as low.

Speaker 2:

See, I love this because, you know, again, it comes back to just not just our physical health and how we're feeling physically, but it's that mental, emotional aspect and that's that's why I love you sharing this and and that's why I love sharing the information on on the podcast and why I've called it words of wellness, because there's so many different aspects to our complete wellness and for you finding out and coming to terms with, okay, why, why do I have this emotional eating, why am I doing this? And that's huge. So so much of it is that mental, emotional part too, totally oh my God, almost like all of it.

Speaker 1:

Right, I would say, yeah, I mean, that was a missing piece for me, honestly, because I I knew everything like the back of my hand, Like I was a crazy psycho. I was the girl that knew like every diet you know, like the back of their hand, like her hand, and it's like I knew all the things. I just couldn't get myself to do them. And that's when I realized that it was the words, the mindset that was like the missing piece for me.

Speaker 2:

This is so amazing. I love hearing you share this. How long do you think, laura, did it take like the process for yourself personally, when you like, caught yourself and said, okay, no more, but there was some work you did to work through that?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean again I it's a little bit of a contradiction Like I really do feel like I healed my relationship with food and my body, but again it's still like a daily practice. So to put a number on it, I mean I would say six months to a year, but I was like a personal development psycho already at that point, like I loved personal development since, like you know, I was reading Chicken Soup for the Soul at like age 11.

Speaker 1:

So like so, like I love personal development I've always been somebody that's been, you know, reading I like made my husband do all like a thousand and one questions to ask before you get married. Like you know, I've been into this stuff for so long, so I wonder, I think it's different for everybody. Took me, it did take me a little over. I'm trying to do the math a little over a year, quote unquote to lose the baby weight. Because I let it be slow and I always say like the fastest way to lose weight for the last time is to let it be quote unquote slow. It's not actually slow because it's the last freaking time you're going to do it Right, but that process took me a little over a year.

Speaker 1:

But there was a point maybe eight or nine months in again, it's so subjective because it's all so fluid, but I'd say eight or nine months in where I'm like this. This feels very complete, even though, yes, it's still a practice. This feels very complete and now I'm just sort of waiting for time to catch up. I'm just sort of waiting for the remaining pounds of this baby weight to come off.

Speaker 2:

I just, yeah, it makes total sense. I just think that this is such the the missing link for so many people, and you know, mostly women I'm not going to say just women and just moms, because you know men also struggle with their weight, certain men and but it's. It seems like it comes back to the mindset piece and that's going to be different, as you know, for everybody. What is it? Whether it's something that was trauma or something you learned growing up or wherever it came from, it just seems like that's the missing link.

Speaker 2:

And I was talking to a gal a while ago and she, her, she has struggled weight and she struggled rollercoaster ride with her weight. And I was just, I asked her, I point blank, I said, well, do you know, do you know why? Do you have an idea Like what's the cause or the root cause? And she says, she says yeah, I'm not ready to talk about it yet. And I was like okay, well, okay, and we're onto something and we never I never, you know pushed her and never found out. But I thought, okay, it's like it was almost like I felt good because I felt like she's recognizing it Right, whatever it is and whatever she does in in her own time with that. Yeah, you just, I get, you just never know. You never know what people have gone through and what they're going through and what. What has caused the, the mindset around it, but it's, it seems to be such a common thing.

Speaker 1:

So common in our culture, just like feeds it for sure. Yeah, I never thought I was like an emotional eater quote, unquote because I didn't come home from like the most stressful day and eat a carton of ice cream, followed by like a bag of Cheetos and so on and so forth. Right, but it for me it was like all those little like oh.

Speaker 1:

I'm a little bored, so I'm going to go get some like dark chocolate covered almonds or, like you know, the party's not that fun. So I'm going to eat another cupcake, even though I don't actually even like this stupid store-bought cupcake, you know. Yeah, so that unlocked a lot for me, which I think is totally tied into the mindset I I'm always talking to my clients about. Like you literally can't put a piece of food in your mouth without a preceding thought. So, like, what is the thought that is making you put the food into your mouth? And I'm also always saying, like, if hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution. Like, yes, we can have fun and have an ice cream date with our daughter or whatever, like, but if hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution. And so what's going on? And then that can unlock so much for us and it can, like, really invite us into really a special sacred relationship with ourselves.

Speaker 2:

For sure, for sure, and that's such a great quote what you're saying. It's so, so good.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. Hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution. Like, why am I standing in front of the fridge with the light glaring at me at 9 30 pm, like what's going on here?

Speaker 2:

right, what is going on and you know you. You see, are you here too? People talk about and this this comes back now to more I I guess, of the physical aspect, but I'm not so sure though, because you think about. Are you listening to your hunger cues? That's another thing, right, like we're so ingrained and to be the you know, breakfast, lunch, dinner, well, are you hungry, do you need that meal or do you just want a snack? But again, you hungry, do you need that meal or do you just want a snack? But again, that's part of culture, right, and just that's kind of been trained. And I remember I was talking to someone else about the fact that she she wasn't even because of that, and how her family was growing up, and it was always just breakfast, lunch, dinner, ingrained that she really didn't even know her own personal, that she really didn't even know her own personal like hunger signals like oh yeah, totally.

Speaker 2:

So you throw that into the mix and that's no, I think that that's super common.

Speaker 1:

I get so many clients. I mean, that was me too. Like am I even ever letting myself get hungry? Like am I always getting over full? Like I'm not even paying attention to, like, what's going on, you know, from the neck down.

Speaker 1:

And my mom was actually. She was so good about it Cause I was just like I hated breakfast. I never wanted to eat breakfast and she never made me, cause she, you know, I actually didn't inherit a bunch of diet drama from my mom. I feel like in the eighties and nineties she actually did a really good job, given like the few tools that she had. But she's like, yeah, if you're not hungry, I'm not going to force you to eat. Like here's some fruit or whatever and it's.

Speaker 1:

You know, it's funny that like intermittent fasting has gotten popular, but I just sort of like naturally do it anyway because I'm genuinely not hungry and like, yeah, sorry, like yeah, our culture like might be like, yeah, you have to eat breakfast. It's like the healthiest meal of the day and it's like okay, but like, is it healthy for me? And that's where I think, that's where I think we get it wrong is like we've become so prescriptive in health and wellness and it's like what I want to do for my clients is to help them come home to themselves, to help them. Hey, is this serving me? Is this right for my bio individuality? And like we don't need another book, we don't need another prescription.

Speaker 2:

We need to ask ourselves questions because the answers are there when we like drown out all the external, they really are. You're saying we need to ask ourselves the questions and then get back to following our intuitive signals and what is we're actually needing, and then and then questioning, like, if something isn't seeming right, right, okay, well then, why? Why is that? Like, let's come back and try and figure out why, and that's not always fun, but there's always the growth on the other side of that. And again, this is this is such a such a big topic because obviously you know health, wellness, diet, industry, you know billions and billions of dollars worth, and people don't always want to take that time to really figure out what's going on. It comes back to what you were saying about just this rushed society we want everything yesterday and we want it fast and we want it now, rather than taking the time to slow down and really think about okay, what's going on and why am I doing this or why do I feel this way or whatever. You know, it's just.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I think you're like a really onto something right there. It's like when we can take the time to slow down, we find our own unique why and then it's actually easier for us to show up for ourselves and to show up for our health because, like, we're connected to our deep knowing, to our deep why, versus like, oh well, my doctor told me I should like that's never going to last. You know, if you know deep down why you're doing something, it's going to be so much easier to say like no, thank you to the cupcake. Then, if you're a doctor, it's like mom, we got to get these numbers down or whatever.

Speaker 2:

For sure, for sure. Now, how do you? I know we talked earlier and you have a five-year-old and a seven-year-old, so which is so cute. I mean, I'm way, way out of those stages. But I was going to just ask, like, how do you find time for you? In that sense, because I know for me being now a newly empty nest mom, and I was talking to a friend the other day and she's like I really think we need to come up with a different name for that I said, guy, that's so good, you're right, we need to come up with a little bit more of a positive term for that. But at any rate, I know for me. You know my kids are out of the house. So I talk about going outside for five minutes taking a deep breath. It doesn't have to be a lot of time, but it's easier for me now to do those things. So how do you fit it in for your own personal wellness?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, I'm a zealot, I'm a psycho Like I. I feel like it is. I'm super excited to pass down a healthy what I believe is a healthy legacy around food and body image to my daughter and my son. But what I'm way more excited about is teaching especially my daughter that she deserves to be number one on the list, that she has to put her oxygen mask on first, like I think that is my number one job. I really do, and I am.

Speaker 1:

I am a psycho about like I, a maniac. Um, because, oh my God, like I don't want her if she decides to become a mom and this is important for my son to see too but I don't want her to become a mom and then feel trapped right, like this really is about free the moms. It's, yes, about free the moms when it comes to how we feel in our bodies, but also in our lives, and I don't want her to feel like she has to be a people pleaser or a martyr because of societal rules, and so if I can't do it for myself, I do it for her, and I'm very practiced now, so I'm I'm plenty good at keeping myself on the list, but it was really hard at the beginning and I felt so much guilt and what I would say is, well, a couple things, but number one if you do decide that you want to put yourself on the list, please, please, by the way, do it. Number one, number two, number three on the list. You will feel guilt. Do not wait for the guilt to go away for you to put yourself on the list Like it's not going anywhere, until you start practicing showing your nervous system that it's safe to go get a massage and not be with your kids and make them pancakes on Sunday morning, like it is safe for you to get a massage. It is. And you will still feel guilty.

Speaker 1:

And I always say there's two types of guilt. There's like the good, healthy guilt that points you back to your values. Like, if I do snap at my kids like, ooh, I feel a wave of guilt come over me. Yeah, that's actually helpful, cause it's showing me that I don't want to behave that way, because that's not in alignment with who I want to be as a mom. But if I feel guilty for going to get a massage, it's culture's guilt on me, it's culture guilting me, and I literally I tell my clients and I do this too, I hand it back, like physically I'm like this is not my guilt, I'm giving it back to you, society, like this is not for me and it'll still be in my body a little bit. But do not wait for the guilt to go away. It's coming. But the more you practice getting a massage or going for a walk with a friend or doing a girl's night, um, or whatever the thing is, the the more that you won't feel the guilt, like you'll strengthen that muscle.

Speaker 1:

And when my kids were really little, um, I used to get a lot of anxiety because my husband travels a lot and I used to get a lot of anxiety when he would travel and so I would. I would be just, you know, nervous about doing all the things right. And I made myself this rule that I had to get myself so much help that I felt guilty and I it wasn't a pro, it wasn't the right amount of help until I felt guilty. So at the beginning, like that was my bar, is like you have to feel guilty for getting so much help, because society teaches me I should be able to handle, I should be able to run this business, I should be able to take care of like two babies and I was like at that, and so I would get a babysitter or mother's helper almost every night when he was gone during the week, and it helped me, it did. I felt guilty and then it helped me and it helped me and it helped me and slowly but surely I like weaned myself off of a lot of help and now I you know I actually am having a babysitter come one night this week. But my point is don't make guilt mean you're doing it wrong. Make it mean that culture has conditioned you in a way that serves culture and not you and your family system.

Speaker 1:

So so, yeah, so like and I'm always I teach my clients to every day they're supposed to fill their cup up and they have to journal about it. So every day they have to pick whatever is right for them. So like for me massage for sure, but like little things, like even a 15 minute walk outside. You can do that with kids. Like you can figure it out, like, if you make your brain go to work for you instead of against you and if you give it the question of like, how can I figure this out? I have to be at the top of my list for my kids. Your brain will give you solutions.

Speaker 1:

So I could go on and on about this subject. Like, clearly, that's like one of my favorite things, because what will happen if we don't fill our cups? Find yourself in the pantry. Your lower brain is a dopamine seeking missile. It will fill, it will get it fixed. So you better be proactive about it if you want to achieve your goals and you better get that walk or that you know.

Speaker 1:

For me, it's like Yobo, I like. I like to move my body a lot. So and not for weight loss purposes, honestly for, like, mental health put myself on the top of the list purposes. So find out what it is you want, what you like to do. What did you like to do? Like some of my moms don't even know what they want. They don't even know what they like and it's like breaks my heart. So it's like what are you doing as a kid? Like what are you jealous of? People are mad at me. Sometimes people are so mad at me for loving my life, like they get annoyed and it's like, who are you envious of? And maybe can you turn that into inspiration and use that one neighbor who's always out walking, even though she has three kids like, use her as inspo instead of you know hate.

Speaker 2:

I love that so much and it just it fires me up because everything you're saying is a lot of the reason behind me creating my moms who flourish community, to empower moms, put their wellness first and their self-care, and to help them to get through those moments where they might feel guilty for doing so. And it always comes back to fill your cup up first so that you can fill the cup of your family, your kids and everybody else.

Speaker 1:

And what I found too, shelly, is that I always say that too, like you got to fill your cup up so that you can fill other people's. But what I found from being such a zealot in this work is like now I want to fill their cup ups. It's not that I can, it's not that I have the capacity. I do. I have the capacity, but I genuinely want to. So when I make my kids a grilled cheese or when I go visit my very sick mom, it's not from obligation, it's from true desire I like, it's from I really want to be there making cheese or playing the Uno game or whatever the thing is.

Speaker 2:

And that it's no longer like, it doesn't feel like a chore, because it brings you joy, and I think that's the other part of this, too, is what's bringing us joy, and I know we're focusing on moms, but that's really I know you and I are like, have like the same mission on this, because it's what I'm the same way.

Speaker 2:

I feel like it really, for the most part, I enjoy my life, I'm intentional, being positive about things, and I have a faith, strong faith based, and and part of what I like to do with with my mission, is to help moms Again, those that might not be experiencing the joy. They're so caught up in the guilt or, you know, so caught up in why I didn't get this done or I didn't get that done, but taking that time and you like you're saying, when you take that time for you, then you are more inclined to do all these other things for for everybody else. But you, but you want everybody to feel the same energy and joy. That's going to where I'm coming from too, and a lot of that stems from being healthy, feeling good in our bodies, being healthy in our minds, having energy and being able to live our day-to-day life with intention and positivity and vitality the best that we can.

Speaker 1:

It's not always going to be perfect again, but coming back to all of it, it's kind of like a radical act, honestly to put your joy on the list or your pleasure or your comfort or whatever. Like it is a radical act in a culture that doesn't value it for women.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, and especially all through the years, as moms. Right, we get in it. That's not. Sometimes, I think we come by it really very innocently. We get caught up in our lives and just our busy routines and, before you know it, all these years have gone by and you're like wait, I haven't taken time for me. And that's really where I'm focusing a lot of my energy with moms is to help them come back to that. Well, this has been amazing, laura. Where can listeners find you if they wanna reach out to you and find out more about what you do?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, you guys obviously love well, you love podcasts or like podcasts. So I have a podcast called Lose Weight for the Last Time with Laura Conley. You can go check that out. It's super fun. You can go to lauraconleycom. So my name is L-A-U-R-A-C-O-N-L-E-Y, so lauraconleycom and I have a free gift for you guys. We usually charge 37 bucks, but it's called Create your Custom Perfect Weight Loss Plan. This is like the thing that I would have loved when I was struggling, and you can go grab that now at planlauraconleycom. Oh, and if you're on Instagram Laura Conley coaching so hit me up, dm me, let me know if anything resonated or if you have questions or whatever. I love to connect with people. I, like, am 147% extroverted, so I love the humans.

Speaker 2:

You're amazing. I hope all the listeners can hear too. You have so much energy and I love that, because I love to connect with people.

Speaker 1:

So do you. You have like the biggest, brightest energy, and no wonder we're, like you know, fast friends.

Speaker 2:

Fast friends. Yeah, oh, you're so sweet. Well, I will put all of your contact information in the show notes and I so appreciate you jumping on today. It's been really, really fun. Anything you want to share Any last minute? I feel like what you just shared was so, so impactful. But any last minute words of advice or inspiration.

Speaker 1:

You're so sweet, shelly, I just love you. So the only last thing I would say is take this conversation and just start noticing little patterns that you might be performing, and then, if you notice a pattern, can you get excited instead of ashamed. So I call it like shame-citement. So like if a little shame comes up because you notice that you aren't eating the kids' cheddar bunnies at 9.30 pm and you're not hungry, like actually can you get excited that you've noticed that you're doing that instead of ashamed. And if shame comes up, that's normal. So that's why I call it shame-sided, like hold space for a little bit of shame or guilt.

Speaker 1:

But then can you also get excited Because that's always the first step. The noticing is the first step. You can't actually heal anything without first noticing anything. Without first noticing, so can you practice what I call shame-sightment and I think that that is it's just. It's such a relief, like, oh, I can just notice something about something I might want to change and I don't have to be ashamed about it. I could just be excited that I've noticed. So I found that that really helps people to change behavior faster, easier, better, whatever, without so much heaviness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's great. It's that awareness right, and then once you're aware, then you can take the steps to make little changes along the way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, totally I love it Okay. I just love this.

Speaker 2:

We'll have to do a follow-up episode. I know I just love this. I will have to. We'll have to do a follow-up episode.

Speaker 2:

I know it's so good. This has been so great. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, you're welcome. Thank you so much, absolutely, and to all of our listeners, thank you for being here today and, as always, take some time for yourself and your own personal wellness and have a beautiful, blessed rest of the week. Everyone, we'll see you next time on Words of Wellness.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone, just a quick message for all of my mamas out there we are having our next in-person Moms who Flourish wellness event Saturday, october 4th. So if you are anywhere close to Southern California, or even if you live out of state I have speakers traveling from out of state would love to have you join us. Go into my contact information in the show notes and just send me a message on Instagram and I can get to the link for our event. Also, I am opening up one-on-one mentorship coaching spots for moms, especially those of you who might be empty nest moms, just like myself and any mom that's looking for clarity, support, guidance in your journey when it comes to your wellness, your health, whether it be for your fitness, your nutrition. If you're needing clarity and also the permission to put yourself first and put your self-care as a priority, I want to be that person to guide you along the journey of your wellness, combined with your motherhood journey. So reach out to me. Everyone, contact me on Instagram and let's see if this would be a great fit for you, and I would love to support you on your journey.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I hope you gained value and enjoyed our time together as much as I did, and if you know someone who could benefit from today's episode, I would love and appreciate it if you could share with a friend or rate and review Words of Wellness so that more can hear this message. I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and if you have any questions or topics you would like me to share in future episodes, please don't hesitate to reach out to me through my contact information that is shared in the show notes below. Again, thank you for tuning in to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly Jeffries and I encourage you to do something for you, for your wellness, on this day. Until next time, I hope you all have a healthy, happy and blessed week. Thank you.