Words of Wellness with Shelly

Family Transitions and the Experience of Becoming Empty Nesters: Christine and Shelly Share Their Journeys

Shelly Jefferis Season 1 Episode 49

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In this latest episode of "Words of Wellness," Shelly welcomes Christine Santos, a seasoned entrepreneur who began her journey with over 30 years in the corporate world who now owns and operates a Boutique Podcast Production Company. Christine and Shelly come together to share their personal experiences as new empty nesters.  

As parents, saying goodbye to our kids as they head off to college can be unexpectedly emotional. Christine and Shelly open up about their personal experiences navigating the empty nest transition. From the surprising triggers of sadness during routine shopping trips to the bittersweet moments of pride and heartache, they discuss it all. By sharing their stories, they aim to provide comfort and solidarity to fellow parents facing this significant life change, reminding them to grant themselves grace and understanding.

Staying connected with family after the kids leave home is crucial but challenging. They share heartwarming anecdotes and practical tips on maintaining those precious bonds through texts, calls, and vacations. The importance of self-care and wellness is also highlighted, ensuring parents remember to care for themselves during this transition. With gratitude, we thank our listeners for their ongoing support and invite them to reach out with questions or topics for future episodes. Join us for an episode filled with support, encouragement, and heartfelt connections.

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Thank you for listening to the Words of Wellness podcast with Shelly Jefferis. I am honored and so grateful to have you here and it would mean the world to me if you could take a minute to follow, leave a 5-star review and share the podcast with anyone you love and anyone you feel could benefit from the message.

Thank you and God Bless!
And remember to do something for yourself, for your wellness on this day!

In Health,
Shelly Jefferis

Speaker 1:

It's still a baby step. It's still something that you can look to and be like okay, we did that and we got through that, and that was really hard and some of the things that I went through in those short two weeks. Now, when I have those feelings I can be like you got through it, then you're gonna get through it now.

Speaker 2:

Do you get confused by all of the information that bombard us every day on ways to improve our overall health and our overall wellness? Do you often feel stuck, unmotivated or struggle to reach your wellness goals? Do you have questions as to what exercises you should be doing, what foods you should or should not be eating, how to improve your overall emotional and mental well-being? Hello everyone, I am so excited to welcome you to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly Jeffries and I will be your host. My goal is to answer these questions and so much more to share tips, education and inspiration around all of the components of wellness through solo and guest episodes. With 35 plus years as a health and wellness professional, a retired college professor, a speaker and a multi-passionate entrepreneur, I certainly have lots to share. However, my biggest goal and inspiration in doing this podcast is to share the wellness stories of others with you, to bring in guests who can share their journeys so that we can all learn together while making an impact on the health, the wellness and lives of all of you, our listeners. The ultimate hope is that you leave today with even just one nugget that can enhance the quality of your life, and that you will. We all will, now and into the future, live our best quality of lives, full of energy, happiness and joy. Now let's dive into our message for today.

Speaker 2:

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Words of Wellness. Thank you for listening today and, if you are new, thank you for being here. I'm so excited to share my guest with all of you today. She has a passion for uplifting and empowering others. With over 30 years of corporate experience in upper management, she had the privilege of working with exceptionally skilled software development team members, doctors and healthcare professionals to help develop cutting-edge medical software. The journey was amazing and equipped her with the skills necessary to become an entrepreneur.

Speaker 2:

She had made the decision to leave a thriving corporate career because she was having to take care of her mother after she had suffered multiple strokes. The great news is that her mom is now thriving and living well. She now owns the Boutique Podcast Production Company and is dedicated to helping others communicate their messages through the powerful medium of podcasting. Her goal is to amplify your voice and ensure your story resonates with your audience. Welcome, christine. I am so excited to have you here today and I want to just give a huge shout out to this woman. It is because of her that I was able to launch my podcast last year and it is because of her that I have continued and she has always been such a source of support. And thank you, christine, so much for all that you do and for just the guidance that I needed when I first started. So I just appreciate you so much.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you so much for that and I appreciate you so much. The work that you're doing, sharing words of wellness, is so important in our world and I so appreciate you thanking me, but really it's all you and I am so happy to be just a little bit of that beginning in your journey so that you can share so much information and other people and to help really all of us live well. So I appreciate that and I thank you for that and really it's all you.

Speaker 2:

You're so kind, you're so kind, and I just think back to the moments where I had my wall kicking moments and you were you've got this, you can do this, you've got this, and that's that relates to wellness in itself, because everybody could use that encouragement and those moments where you're feeling like, oh, and then just someone to go no, you got it, you got it, you're going to get this and you can do it. And you were that person. So, thank you, thank you. So for our listeners, many of you who have been following along, you have heard a little bit of my journey in becoming an empty nester, and that is something that Christine and I have in common and we are experiencing it at a very similar time in our lives and it's a little different, given the fact this is my third time to go through it and this is Christine's first time to go through it. But we wanted to be able to provide the experience that we both are going through and in hopes to again help any moms and dads out there to know that you're not alone.

Speaker 2:

And I really believe and I'll probably share more about this in a moment but I really believe this is a topic and, christine, you can share how you feel, but I believe it's a topic that's not talked about enough, and I know when we first took our daughter to college and it's been gosh I don't know seven, seven years now ago it was heart wrenching and it still is difficult, no doubt. I feel like there was not any conversation whatsoever before we did it, had no idea what to expect. I'm not and I don't mean that it would have lessened the heartache, but I believe that we could have been a little bit more prepared to go through what we went through. So do you want to give us a little, give our listeners, a little bit of a, an overview of how it's going for you and what you've experienced through these last few weeks or months?

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. First of all, I'm a mother to an only child and she is in her first month-ish of freshman year in college and she moved to college so she's living on campus and it's not that far it's definitely driving distance. My husband and I felt really throughout her life we've been very blessed. She is a very independent and very she does her due diligence I'll just say it that way and she makes good decisions. So we were like whatever she decides to do, if she decides to go across the country, we will support her Absolutely. I just want to say that she is away, she's living on campus. Support her Absolutely. I just want to say that she is away, she's living on campus. I'm so happy to report that she's thriving and doing well and she's not that far, and yet it is one of the most.

Speaker 1:

I've had a few challenging situations in my adult life, one of the most challenging for me. She and I are very close, so that was always something that everybody in the house kind of joked about. Oh, when she goes off to school, you're going to be sad, and I was always thinking, yes, absolutely, no doubt, yes, I will, and but that's life and that's what she has chosen. If she decided not to go to college, we would have supported her, but that's what she chose to do and that's what she has chosen. If she decided not to go to college, we would have supported her, but that's what she chose to do and that's the life path. I don't want to be part and parcel to somebody who's not feeling secure enough to venture out on their own right. So I feel that very strongly as a mom to help in that journey. All of that to say this is way harder than I ever thought it was going to be. I've been trying to really figure it out.

Speaker 1:

I read this article one time that said you'll never know the last time you pick up your child like physically pick them up. There's going to be a moment in time where your child's of a certain age and you pick them up and that's the last time you'll ever pick them up in that way, putting them on hip, and I always remember that and I think that is exactly what this is for me. So we would. I'm looking outside at our pool. We would be out in the pool in a different way than we are now. Now, when we spent time in the pool the summer, warned Raphs when she was little, she would be on my knee and we would be playing games, right.

Speaker 1:

So I think for me, that is the grieving process. I think it's. Yes, I absolutely miss her. I'm not saying I don't, but I think it's also the addition of grieving this change in our lives. I went to Target and I was sad in Target because every time I went to Target did I have her with me? No, but it was like this is the first time I'm in Target and she's not with me at home or at work out with her friends. Wow, and everything lands a little bit different.

Speaker 2:

It absolutely does, and thank you for sharing that eloquently and being so vulnerable about that, because it's if you hit the nail on the head, it's just everything lands a little bit differently and I think we never know and I maybe have shared this with you, but what I've experienced is you never know what's going to trigger it, so for, like you're saying, you're in target and you start to get sad. I crazy thing is I had that same experience at Costco but I, my, our son, went away for like about a month or five weeks in the summer for summer ball and I cried every night the first week and when he came home and I made my trip to Costco, I told my husband when I came home I go. If I would have gone to Costco that first week that he was gone, I would have been a wreck because I'd see stuff that he likes and mom, will you get this, will you get that? And I would have been a wreck. And it's just those little things that and it's going to be personal and unique to every single situation, every single mom and every single dad. And I think that somehow for me, that time that he was gone in the summer prepared me, because I and I have shared this. But I it was so hard that first week and I thought, oh my gosh, he's just a few hours up the road. What's going to happen when he's over 2000 miles away? Right, and there's definitely moments like for me.

Speaker 2:

Most recent for me was it was Labor Day and I was, we were getting ready and getting into bed and I was thinking it felt like a Sunday and so sometimes he would be having dinner with his at his girlfriend's house and he then he'd come home and most Sundays we were together, but not every single Sunday. And so I just had this feeling like he's going to come in my room, give me a hug, good night, say hey, mom, good night. And then I went oh no, that's not going to happen and it just, it's like you say, you never know how it's going to come on. And it came on all of a sudden and I, my husband, I'm like, I am sad all of a sudden and I just I feel like I'm going to have him, see him walk in or give me a hug, and he's not. It makes me want to cry. So there's moments like that and I think talking about it and doing this, like you and I are doing.

Speaker 2:

I think is is still valuable, because I know you feel the same way as like letting moms, letting dads, letting parents know that it's okay to have those moments, and it is just a total new way of doing things, a transition in our lives, and it's like you're saying it's it's almost like we don't realize it's closing a chapter and opening a new one, but we don't want that other chapter to close. It's almost like we don't realize it's closing a chapter and opening a new one, but we don't want that other chapter to close. It's almost like we never want that chapter to close. Right, I'll never forget the first day we came home after dropping our daughter off and we took her to Oregon 12-hour drive, the 12-hour drive back, it was my husband and my youngest son and myself, and one of us at some point was crying.

Speaker 2:

The entire time it was just, it was awful. And the entire time it was just, it was awful. And so I remember the next day my husband just started crying and I said why can't she stay with us? It's like you want that, but you know that's what you're wanting and feeling at that moment. But you also know, no, you want them to spread their wings and thrive and be successful in the world. But it's definitely not an easy transition. It's definitely bittersweet, for sure. Yeah, it really is.

Speaker 1:

I think, very hard transition. It's definitely bittersweet for sure. Yeah, it really is. I think very hard transition and I do think, as we've talked about here already is it's unique to everybody. Right, everybody is different, and the example you gave of Costco is very similar to my example of Target. So you and I, in this conversation, are having a similar experience, and so that feels really good. So I hope people who are listening that are in this situation and having a similar experience will feel that, knowing that other people are feeling it.

Speaker 1:

We do every morning. When she was here, since she's been gone and just for whatever reason, today, I woke up sad and so I'm having my coffee with him and I'm teary. I'm not bawling, but I'm. He knows I'm crying, I'm teary and I'm like this is so ridiculous. This is so ridiculous.

Speaker 1:

She's happy, I'm so glad and we are so fortunate to be in this situation where she can do what she wants to do, which happens to be going to college, and we're so fortunate and she's thriving, and this is so ridiculous that I cannot get past it, even though I know we have to allow ourselves that, even hearing you say your story, it's like okay, it's all right. Other people feel this way too, and other people don't. I have friends with children. They've gone off to college and they're like thank goodness, because I feel like they're safer now at school, because here I was out tracking them down. Where are they? So, my point being everybody handles it differently, even you and I, but you and I are similar and that feels really good. Just to know, okay, when I go to the grocery store and I start crying or feeling sad, I'll be like Shelly feels this way too.

Speaker 2:

It's okay. You can even call me at that moment, christine, you can cry on the phone together. Yeah, you bring on such great points because it is different for each person and some might not go through the emotions as much, or maybe they'll have a lot of different emotions and you just never know. And I think the important thing is and this is not to be telling yourself that you're being ridiculous, but to give yourself grace and to go through it, because I feel like if we don't experience those emotions when they come, then we're just putting off when they're going to catch up to us and just bite us in the button and when we least expect it later on. And I think the other thing that helps me is and this might be for you, but I do have a trip plan to go see my brain in a week, so I'm excited about that and I know those moments and I've said this before it's like that helps you too. So it gives you those moments where you're gonna look forward to knowing you're gonna get to see your son, your daughter, whatever the case may be, and I love being able to hear your view because you have your one daughter.

Speaker 2:

Part of me thinks that would almost be harder because you have your one daughter. Part of me thinks that would almost be harder because you have your one daughter, and I don't know, though, because I think back to, like I say, when we dropped our daughter off, she was our first one to drop off and it was heart-wrenching. Each time it's been challenging and part of me thought, with our youngest it partly might be easier because we've gone through it, but also be harder because he's our last, and so it's been really interesting. And I do have to say, even though having different moments, it's been easier than I thought so far, and that's why I think that summer time almost prepared us for now, when I thought it would be the opposite. I just find that so fascinating. Back then I was like, oh my gosh, what is it? And that almost made me more emotional, thinking I can't handle this. What's it going to be like later? And to then go okay, that was, I think, god's way of a little prep for the situation.

Speaker 1:

And we had the similar. So I want to talk about that in case it's helpful. So my daughter went away her junior year summer, right, yeah. So the summer of her junior year she did two weeks living at a college experience which, again, everybody's different from our perspective. I highly recommend something like that, not only from your child's point of view, but your own, and I thought the same thing as you, shelly.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to start with my daughter. So my daughter did that and she struggled but she got past it. And then when we went to get her after the two weeks, see her for the first time and get her, she didn't want to come home Like she was that good, but it was challenging for her in the beginning. So I say that because she had that to hold on to as a new freshman living in a dorm, being away, because she had that in her mind. Okay, I know it's hard and I'm speaking for her. She didn't say this, I'm just saying from an outsider looking in. They had that experience. So that's why I think it was good, definitely for her and it might be good for listeners if you have that opportunity for your child to do something like that, because then they can cling to that. Okay, I know I did it last summer. It was tough, but I eventually got through it and I really loved it. So hopefully, this is going to be the same thing For me as her mom.

Speaker 1:

Those two weeks were so challenging for me, so challenging, and I thought the same thing. And it's still a baby step. It's still something that you can look to and be like okay, we did that and we got through that. And that was really hard and some of the things that I went through in those short two weeks. Now, when I have those feelings, I can be like you got through it, then you're going to get through it now.

Speaker 1:

So those feelings are like sometimes you just get really sad. You're like, oh, my God, this is crushing Again, speaking for myself, but I had that when she was away and I got through it. So I'm like, okay, it's okay, you're going to get through it. So, yes, I do think from our perspective, and if anybody wants to talk about that, I'm like, okay, it's okay, you're going to get through it. So, yes, I do think from our perspective, and if anybody wants to talk about that, I'm happy to talk about that. But just like you said, shelly, I found that experience to be very helpful and that was just two weeks and your son was what a month.

Speaker 2:

You said, yeah, it was about four or five weeks and we saw him pretty often. We saw him and went up and watched games and all of that. But it was just that first initial week was really hard, and so I love how you say it's like like baby steps preparing you, and that's what it is.

Speaker 1:

The other thing I want to share is I was talking to a friend the other day and she said she's very sweet, her daughter's still at home, not in college. And I'll joke with her, I'll say she has an only child as well. And I'll say she'll be like, oh, I have to go because my daughter's got XYZ. I'm like must be nice, so we have a fun relationship. But she, so she and I want to tell you that before I told you what she said. So she says to me you need to get another animal, maybe you need to get another pet. And I said I don't think so. I'm good with the pets we have. I'm just going to ride this out. Just like you said, shelly, I'm going to feel the feels. I'm not going to squash them down. I'm not going to try to replace it with a pet. It's really important to embrace the piece it is.

Speaker 2:

You do need to embrace them. And it's so funny you say that because that's been something that I've talked about getting another puppy and my husband at one point was like, maybe once Brayden goes to college, and so I still look every once in a while. But it's been a little bit of a cycle because it seems like when our daughter left, about a year later we got a puppy and then our middle son left and then we got another puppy.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. And so now we're like okay.

Speaker 2:

So I don't know. We have two, so should we have three to match our three kids? I don't know, that might happen, that might happen. I'm not counting it out entirely, but I think this is just really, this is really special that we are sharing this conversation and I just really hope that it touches the lives of our listeners, even just one, just to, like you say, just know that you're not alone and it's okay whatever you're experiencing and however emotional you might be or not be, because, again, different for everybody.

Speaker 2:

And another part of this that is ironic for my viewpoint and my perspective, one part that was really hard was seeing how, when our older kids went away, how it impacted our youngest, and he and I'm grateful for for the most part our kids go through the emotions, but he cried after he took our daughter, dropped her, he, and at that point in time, gosh, what was he? 10, 9 maybe. And then, a year to a year or two later, when we took our middle son and we came home, it was same thing. He was looking at family pictures and crying and I said, hi, it's going to be okay, it'll be different, but we're going to be okay. So seeing that heartbreak in him was oh, so hard, and now he's the one that's gone, and but I think we can also find solace in knowing that they're most of the time and I can't speak for every, every child, but most of the time they're ready, they're ready, they're. And I think that we can find comfort in that is that I don't see him being sad. I'm sure he misses being home, but I don't, and I'll get to see him next week and get a feel.

Speaker 2:

But it looks like things are going really well and so that definitely is a comfort and that helps us. It helps us go okay, we can have our moments. But it's also just so reassuring to know that so far, so good. And it doesn't always go on that path and, again, that's okay too. Sometimes kids, our kids, will go away and maybe it wasn't the right thing for them or the right timing or the right school, or what have you, and then they come back and that's okay. Everybody has a journey and a path and this is a no way judging what that looks like for your son or daughter or judging how you're dealing with the situation emotionally or what have you. This is just Christine and I sharing what we're experiencing and hopes, just to add value and be of comfort to any and all of you out there.

Speaker 1:

And I have a question for you. So what does it look like after?

Speaker 2:

college. Oh, that's a great question. That's another whole journey of itself. It's exciting because then you see where your kids are going to end up job wise, if that's what happens at that point in time. But it was really interesting because my husband the other day was just saying he almost feels a little bit more sad for our older son because he's really getting into his career. So he knows he's out, he's not like coming back home, which I'm like he wasn't going to come back home anyway. You know what I mean. But it was really interesting to hear him say that he goes. I almost feel more sad about Cody because he's out there and he's doing his thing, which is amazing. I don't think any of my kids want to move back home at any time in the future.

Speaker 2:

But it's another level of seeing them thrive and pursue their goals and their dreams. However, at the same time, it's also that knowing of this is a whole other expansion and a whole other transition of they are into this new part of their life. And, yeah, they won't be coming back home to stay at any point in time. So I don't feel like it was a difficult transition. The only thing I will say and this is something that I hope and pray for but whatever's meant to happen is what's going to happen.

Speaker 2:

But my boys are far away right now and I'm hoping in the future, when everyone's done with their journey of college and what they're doing, that sometime we'll be back a little bit closer, in proximity to each other. And my daughter is fairly close. She's about a two, three hour drive from us, so that's she can come home for a couple of days when she gets a couple of days off from work. So that's wonderful, we can go see her, and so I think that's hard for me right now. Our middle son has a great position at a college where he is an assistant coach. He's far, far, but at the same sense we're so excited for him, so in a way balances it out, if you will, and how what advice would you give?

Speaker 1:

How do you keep the family unit together? I'm using air quotes when people are all separate.

Speaker 2:

That's such a great question and I struggle with this a little bit. We stay in touch, we text each other, we talk on the phone, we do FaceTime. So that's one time when you're like so grateful for technology because of the FaceTime, and we have a little family group chat we try to do, I try and schedule a weekly family FaceTime, which is great. It doesn't always happen because now we are in three different time zones, so that is a little challenging, I will say doing, but yet we still take time for one another. My son, with coaching, right now it's a very busy time and he FaceTimed us last night just to be able to do a little quick connection. And so those moments you just really you just cherish and that's what I can say is just having those moments where you can connect, you can talk, you can FaceTime and and again, my husband was very adamant, which I'm so glad that he was about us all having a family vacation this last summer. We've always done that, but it was a bigger deal this summer, we went further away, it was something we'd never done. And so the other thing is just planning those moments where your goal is to get everybody together and holidays and whatever you can do, you just do the best with it. And yeah, so it's a little challenging with everybody and they're now, and that's the other thing. When they start working, their schedules change and it's not as flexible, their time off is not as much, but you just make it work.

Speaker 2:

I just focus on the quality of our time together, not so much the quantity. And even our daughter coming home last weekend for a couple of days she had off from work. It was just, we just chilled, we just hung out and it was so nice. She could just come home and relax on our couch and we all watched football and we didn't do anything big, but it was just relaxing. We just hung together and chatted and it was just what I think we all needed. And she needed a little downtime from work and but the fact again goes back to just being together. It doesn't matter what we're doing. Really, quite frankly, we're just sitting on the couch and being lazy one day and it was really nice. So that's the best I can say. I don't know if I totally answered, but what a great question.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thank you, I appreciate you having me on and letting me share a little bit. I and letting me share a little bit. I did think we had talked about it and I did think it was important to do that and, quite honestly, shirley, I just want to thank you because I texted you before this conversation and I said I might be a little weepy today. It's that kind of day and I actually feel better. So thank you, yeah thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

You're so welcome. I said it's okay if you cry because that's we're being real here, right, a couple moments when I've been sharing and I start to get emotional, and that's okay. You were human and it's good for everyone to hear that and I would have been okay if you got weepy, but I'm happy you feel better. So I just thank you so much, christine. This has been so wonderful just to get on and just share this together and just have this conversation and I just think it needs to be ongoing and I just I really appreciate you sharing. Thank you, appreciate it. And again, thank you, christine, so much, love you, love you. Thank you so much. So appreciate you and all of our listeners. Thank you for tuning in and listening and, as always, do something for yourself and your wellness on this day and have a beautiful, blessed rest of your week and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I hope you gained value and enjoyed our time together as much as I did, and if you know someone who could benefit from today's episode, I would love and appreciate it if you could share with a friend or rate and review Words of Wellness so that more can hear this message. I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and if you have any questions or topics you would like me to share in future episodes, please don't hesitate to reach out to me through my contact information that is shared in the show notes below. Again, thank you for tuning in to Words of Wellness. My name is Shelly Jeffries and I encourage you to do something for you, for your wellness, on this day. Until next time, I hope you all have a healthy, happy and blessed week. Thank you.